I know my inner critic is an evil, sadistic, abusive, compassionless, power-hungry traitor.  I know she is sneaky, conniving and deceitful, masquerading her abuse as logic and practicality, attempting to present as a mechanism that keeps me safe - a voice of reason that knows what is best for me.  

I know she is an imposter.  I know my heart would never ever say anything that would feel abusive, cause me to limit or doubt myself, or create fear or disharmony.  But this disloyal advisor to the Queen, this inner critic, will still jump at every opportunity to assert herself and steal my throne, which is the rightful place of my inner goddess, my soul, and my heart, so I must always remain vigilant, keeping her honest and in service to the Queen, the Divine Goddess within.

And so once again, the  traitor was caught in the act.  I wasn't feeling so great, but I couldn't put my finger on it.  It was a beautiful day - truly an amazing gift. But I felt down and lacking in energy.  Kind of lonely, kind of sad, kind of... just not sure. So I decided to make a mental list of things I was grateful for - a known mood-booster. And I felt worse!  How could I feel worse as a result of a gratitude exercise?  And then I noticed that other voice in my head.  When thought, "I am grateful for this beautiful day," the other voice countered with, "You're wasting it inside". When I thought, "I am grateful for living in such a beautiful, amazing place," the voice said, "You aren't out experiencing it".  When I thought I was grateful for other things in my life, the voice said I was wasting opportunities.  It told me I wasn't efficient enough, I wasn't proactive enough, I wasn't making the most of what I had, I wasn't making the most of opportunities....  It told me I wasn't doing anything right and that I was wasting every single good thing in my life.  It told me I was wrong.  I was not good enough and not worthy and not important and had nothing of value to contribute.  

And I was horrified, not only at what I was hearing, but that this was coming from inside of me and this was a part of me, and that it had been going on for some time without me being consciously aware of it.  My inner critic was again playing at her game of being the trusted advisor, who after having gained the confidence of the Crown, exploits the trust and leverages fear to gain power.

But now she was being exposed once again for the traitor she truly IS.  

She was feeding off of that core wound of not important/not valuable/inherently "wrong" and the primal fear of abandonment that accompanies it.  By paying attention to her remarks, I could literally pick out the limiting beliefs from which these weapons were being forged.  Now she was working for me, although she didn't know she had been found out.  With every poisonous word she was leading me right back to her hidden nest of treasonous conspiracy that would have me unseated from my throne.

If she hadn't been so brazen, if I hadn't had been suspicious enough to look more closely and have her followed by the Crown's loyal guard, she would have succeeded in overthrowing my queendom through her lies and deceit. She would have succeeded in stealing away my power, and my freedom, and locking me away in a tower of false beliefs and fear.

If she had not been discovered, I would have continued to perceive myself as a victim to the outside world, to those who would attempt to take my queendom for themselves, and never realize it was an inside job - that the real threat, the only threat - came from the Crown's most trusted inner circle. There's no other way someone on the outside could have access to the weak spots, the chinks in the armor, to make such an effective campaign.  

The throne always comes with the need to guard the Crown and maintain the queendom.  It calls for awareness of what lies within the walls of the castle, hidden in the shadows.  Those threats to your power keep you vigilant.  They keep you sharp.  They keep you lean. They force you into maintaining your strength and power and occupying your throne.

My mind keeps turning "post-eclipse" into "post-apocalypse".  And for good reason it seems.

Apocalypse comes from an ancient Greek word that actually translates as a discovery or disclosure of knowledge.  An illumination even.  

Eclipses are known for their power to bring lasting change to our lives, precisely because of their inherent function of illuminating - bringing awareness to that which we were previously unaware.  

If our consciousness creates our reality, then new awareness creates a new reality, and we have experienced an "apocalypse".  We cannot go backwards in consciousness.  One cannot un-realize what has been realized.  Once you've bitten into that apple, there's no going back.  

But rather than this being our damnation, it is our salvation.  Once we become conscious that we possess the amazing capability to create our experience in the world, we acknowledge our responsibility and step fully into our power. We take our place as this link, this bridge, that brings the vision of our higher selves/source and manifests it in the material world.  We create.  We create what we are guided to create.  We do not simply fill a space and survive.  We follow the guidance of our hearts, the direction of our desires (not our fears) and we create what we our passion calls us to create.

But first we must experience the realization (or more likely a series of realizations over time) that makes us aware of the illusions that keep us trapped by our fears, living from the place of those deep primal wounds.  

This full moon eclipse with Chiron was an opportunity to get a peek at whatever those wounds might be for you. 

In real life, this presents as the aha moment when you realize some defensive or compulsive behavior you engage in is, rather than being "just the way you are", actually linked to some traumatic event early in life.  Maybe you always need to know the whereabouts of your significant other and you've felt it is just common courtesy and part of being in a relationship, but now you realize it links back to the fear you felt that time you got lost in the grocery store when you were four years old.

The formula goes like this:  initial trauma/abandonment wound = accepting an idea about yourself/the world because of that experience = living from the place of the wounding in fear and therefore recreating the experience in your life.  The idea was accepted as a "rule to live by" in your attempt to keep yourself safe and from experiencing that pain again.  However, by holding on to that belief and fear in an effort to avoid it, you give it so much energy and power that you continue to attract it.  Hence, "the wound that will never heal".

So now we are working with the waning cycle of the moon, integrating and assimilating whatever information we just received about ourselves and our lives.  

The tarot card that came up today was "Judgment", which is perfect with today's full moon eclipse, as it speaks of enlightenment that spurs us to decisions that herald a fresh new beginning.

The idea many of us carry about this word, the connotation of it that has been handed down to us, is negative. But it's meaning (at least in the Tarot) actually centers around a positive shift in consciousness, bringing about "great change, restored relationship, and family or group happiness".  Judgment is card XX of the Major Arcana, which begins with card 0, the Fool (possibility) and ends with card XXI, the World (completion), and describes the "Fool's Journey" of enlightenment. 

In the book, Numerology and the Divine Triangle, the authors suggest even more ancient wisdom behind the meaning of this card. ​

For those who are ready, a new reality is right there in front of you for the taking.  Or actually, it's within you waiting to be realized.  

But giving up ideas and beliefs that we don't even know we have, or that we don't realize are our choice to change, or that we perceive as keeping us safe, or that are deeply ingrained as part of our identity, or that we believe get our needs met, is a difficult process.  And so we continue to struggle with the same life issues, never seeing our way beyond them, until one day something happens, and we are born into a new perspective and way of being.

And then the expanse of "the wide freedom and endless blue" opens up right before our eyes and we open to the all of the possibilities of this fresh new beginning.

This eclipse is the culmination of several cycles, one of which being that we have just finished almost a year of Neptune in his own sign of Pisces being challenged by Saturn in Sagittarius.  Saturn, the teacher and taskmaster, in the sign of truth and honesty and philosophy, has repeatedly demanded Neptune put his money where his daydream is and get his head out of the clouds and down to earth. Get real.

Now we have the full moon eclipse in Neptune's sign of Pisces. The sun shines its light of consciousness from practical Virgo onto the moon and Chiron who will be sitting together in the waters of Pisces.  

The Virgo/Pisces axis can be described as "selfless service".  Pisces is a water sign associated with emotions and spirit.  Pisces is compassionate and wants to help the underdog and save everyone but can lose its boundaries.  Pisces is quick to give itself up for others but then might develop a martyr complex. Virgo is the earth sign opposite Pisces.  Virgo is about service, routine, organization, focus and tending to the details.  Ultimately, we would strive to balance these energies in our lives to achieve "selfless service".  

What does all of this have to do with this eclipse, or any of us for that matter?

Chiron's story is one of wounding and the process of becoming free of that initial wound.  

Not only was Chiron the product of a violent, abusive act, he was abandoned by both parents.  He was betrayed by the two people we expect in life to be able to trust.  If there is abandonment perceived by the psyche of a child, what type of beliefs then typically develop?  "I'm not wanted", "I'm not good enough", "I'm not enough", "I'm not lovable", "I'm not deserving", "I'm wrong"...and the list goes on.  These are the telltale slogans of the Chironic wounds we carry. 

Chiron was portrayed as part divine and part beast, portraying the the duality of ego and higher self that dwells in all of us.

He was redeemed by adoption, but then he was shot (accidentally) by Hercules, whom he trusted - another betrayal that then triggered the initial wound.

Now our healer is faced with a wound that not even he can heal. Because he never addressed the initial wound, the shadow now completely takes over and he isolates himself.  Because he still carries those negative beliefs he took on as a result of the initial wounding, he has abandoned himself. He is now at the mercy of his own shadows.  

Then Hercules shows up.  Chiron, in torment anyway, agrees to Hercules' proposition to take the place of Prometheus and help mankind.  But with this selfless sacrifice, he actually transcends and finds his freedom.

Selfless Service and the Wounded Healer

And now we see how the Pisces/Virgo theme of "selfless service" and Chiron's myth of "the wounded healer" are intertwined on this full moon eclipse.

Chiron's placement in our natal chart tells us the nature of that initial wounding we each carry and points the way to healing it.  (There are other clues as well.)  At some point in life we may become conscious of it on our own, because of life experiences, or through therapy or all of the above.  The Chiron/Saturn elements in a natal chart describe this type of initial core wounding that causes us to take on negative beliefs about self and then create those circumstances time and time again until we can step out of the role of victim and into the role of creator and change the belief and break the pattern.  

Saturn challenges us to take back our power.  Chiron shows us that once we have done this, we can help others who have similar wounds and be of service to humanity.

She courageously charged into the depths, her small body straight as an arrow; her attention fixed on the destination below.  With determination, she dove deeper and deeper. 

The light above her was dimming.  Her destination was much farther than it looked from above.  She held her breath and pushed downward, kicking hard against the urge to turn and go back toward the light.
​
As the dark of the depths closed in around her, she felt the pressure squeezing hard on her body.  Her body had felt so strong and sturdy above, but now it seemed fragile and an inappropriate vessel for this task.  Undaunted, she pressed on.

She became aware of her complete isolation in the cold black and the tentacles of loneliness consuming her.  She could no longer sense any light coming from above her, and could just barely make out the glowing fissure still far below her.

The reality of her utter aloneness on this journey set in.  It was too far; too deep.  It had been a mistake to attempt this.  She knew she wouldn’t be able to continue without air for much longer, but she was too far down to make it back to the surface.

The somber realization that she would not be returning to her life on the surface left her with only one choice:  to keep going.  With fresh resolve she focused on her goal and kicked harder into the abyss.

Although this journey was hers and hers alone, to her surprise, there was help and support near, just invisible to her eyes in the inky cloak.

A seahorse twice as big as she suddenly appeared out of the black, a rainbow of glowing colors.  It towed with it a giant iridescent air bubble.  She eagerly breathed in the air, and found herself able to think more clearly and with renewed determination.  Her life force restored, and the glowing red light of her destination within clear view, she pressed on through the dark with a renewed sense of hope.

The end was in sight. Her destination was SO close.  She was proud of the bravery and strength that had brought her this far.

There it was; the source of her Self, her life, her passions, her emotions and her expression.  It was literally her own fountain of life, but all she could make out was a little crack of red glowing light.  Something was wrong.  Why wasn’t it flowing? 

She swam closer and caught sight of the problem.  There was a huge black boulder lodged on her fountain!  It was immense.  She tried to push on it, but she was tiny in comparison.  She could not budge it.

Suddenly she felt the weight of all of the water above crushing down on her.  She was suffocating.  It was impossible. This is where it would all end.  She had failed all of her loved ones and most importantly she had failed herself.  It was hopeless.  She sank down onto the bottom, heavy with sorrow, her lungs emptied of air. She looked back up in the direction of the surface, but was unable to glimpse any remnant of light.  She sank lifelessly into the icy cold darkness....

Over the past few years, I've been working on myself.  I've been diving deep and doing a lot of digging around in my deep psyche and subconscious.  And I've come to one conclusion:  I'm not here to be your bitch.

I have journeyed to my own personal underworld and come face to face with my most deeply held fears.  I have identified my own negative and limiting beliefs and faced the harsh truth of my lack of self-love and self-worth.  I reopened all of the old wounds and scrubbed them clean.  It hasn't been fun or easy.

It's been messy.  Really messy. 

My thing, formally, is astrology-specifically life and energy coaching through the tool of astrology. 

I see the "story" that I have carried echoed plainly in the symbols of my natal chart.  

Saturn, the ruler of Capricorn, the sign of my seventh house of intimate relationships expresses through, sits on top of my Venus, (both in my first house of self and identity, which is expressed through the energetic prism of Cancer, Capricorn's and Saturn's exact opposite energy).  Venus represents resources and relationships, but by way of our value of ourselves-our self-worth and self-love. 

That signature in my natal chart means "other," and specifically intimate partner, is sitting on top of my self-worth.   

In life, it meant that I had some serious lessons to learn around boundaries and staying in my power, and that meant one thing:  an epic battle with Saturn for my self-worth and inner authority - the battle to reclaim my throne.

Examples of Archetypal Energies and Reclaiming Feminine Power and Expression

There is a deeper archetypal layer to this running throughout our myths, our religions, our cultures, and our collective consciousness.

The study of astrology leads to the study of mythology.  What we might understand as Venus or Aphrodite today is quite the watered down version from the not-to-be-fucked-with ancient goddess energies.  

As the Sumerian myth "Inanna's Descent" teaches us, (and this describes the astrological cycle of Venus' retrograde, as Inanna was Venus' predecessor), we cannot fully claim our power unless we've confronted the shadow self. We don't stand in our power if we keep trying to disown the darker or maybe not-so-socially-acceptable parts of ourselves.  That betrays our truth and compromises our power.

And Inanna certainly wasn't going to be someone's bitch.  She journeyed to the underworld to confront her sister who was queen of the underworld (her shadow self) and in her compromised state was attacked by her sister and hung on meat hooks and left for dead.  Her hand maiden (higher self) saved her.  But the underworld had rules and before she would be allowed to leave she had to choose someone to take her place.  Upon finding out that her consort had taken over her thrown and was not one bit interested in her well-being, she chose him and sent him to the underworld, reclaiming her thrown and her sovereignty.  

If we work with the negative and limiting beliefs we carry, we find the wounds  where those beliefs were formed which also mark the chinks in our armor where others can trick us into giving away our power.  Our armor is always our self-esteem and self-love.  If we carry a negative belief about ourselves, like "too much" or "not worthy" or "not lovable", then there is a chink in that armor.  Now we are "not enough" as we innately are and therefore we look outside of ourselves for whatever that thing is we think we need.  Our shadow, unattended to, has turned a larger-than-life monster.  It has opened an access point that would allow someone else to invade our homeland and steal our throne.

Manipulation is part of human nature, because fear is part of human nature.  We try to control what we fear.  If we are fearful, we want power, which we think we will achieve by control, and fear is something we know so well, that we can innately try to gain that control over another by playing on their fear.  We've seen this principle at work time and time again.

Author Nicki Scully says, "As she prowled the land she saw needless human suffering. She saw how cosmic law was defiled. She loosed her wrath upon the people of Earth and the ground was littered with spent and bleeding bodies. With her newly ignited taste for human blood, the carnage knew no bounds, and Ra grieved as he looked upon the waste laid by Sekhmet."  

There are two important details here.  1) There's a warning about the consequences of rage going unchecked.  While anger and rage serve their purpose of our ability to assert ourselves and protect ourselves, they can be extremely destructive.  But, 2) this paints a picture of Ra calling on Sekhmet, a powerful goddess, to help him in his time of need.  She acts out of righteous rage, after being asked for her help.  Consider this powerful ancient feminine energy who holds within her both the compassionate healer archetype AND the powerful female warrior archetype.  And now consider the idea we frequently encounter that women are not supposed to express anger.  (And for that matter "big boys don't cry" and "children should be seen and not heard"....)

The next part of the story is that Ra resorts to "trickery" to end her rampage. He colors beer with mandrake root and pomegranate juice so it looks like blood and because she is so blood-thirsty, Sekhmet drinks it until intoxicated and turns into the more docile archetype of Hathor.  (So in her all-powerful divinity, she is also this gullible?) Scully goes on to say, "This tale omits mention of Sekhmet's boundless compassion, her exceptional healing gifts, her power, and her freedom.  

"The premise that Sekhmet's rage can be tempered through intoxication and unconsciousness, or sleep, illustrates how the current worldwide paradigm needs changing. No longer can we afford to retreat into unconsciousness, or have our freedom tricked out of us. Our personal demons are part of ourselves, and they, too, are divine." ~Nicki Scully

Ra in fear of Sekhmet's power, tricks her (by intoxication) into being more docile so he can control her.  

Applying that to the idea of manipulating through fear, can you think of times in history where one group has held power over another group through this trickery of manipulating fear?  

​Do you see this dynamic in your personal history or of those around you?

If you choose to remain unconscious and don't face your fears and limiting beliefs and shore up the armor of self-esteem, then you will fall victim to this sort of "trickery" and end up giving away your power, which means you're giving away your freedom.  Do not betray yourself by looking outside of yourself for security, love or validation.

Sekhmet was not here to be anyone's bitch, yet she was still manipulated into submission.

What about Eve?

In the book, When God was a Woman, by Merlin Stone, she writes, "As a child, I was told that Eve had been made from Adam's rib, brought into being to be his companion and helpmate, to keep him from being lonely. As if this assignment of permanent second mate, never to be captain, was not oppressive enough to my future plans as a developing member of society, I next learned that Eve was considered to be foolishly gullible.  My elders explained that she had been easily tricked by the promises of the perfidious serpent.  She defied God and provoked Adam to do the same, thus ruining a good thing - the previously blissful life in the Garden of Eden.  Why Adam himself was never though to be equally as foolish was apparently never worth discussing.  But identifying with Eve, who was presented as the symbol of all women, the blame was in some mysterious way mine - and God, viewing the whole affair as my fault, chose to punish me by decreeing, "I will greatly multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children, yet your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you" (Gen. 3:16)."

She continues, "So even as a young girl I was taught that, because of Eve, when I grew up I was to bear my children in pain and suffering.  As if this was not a sufficient penalty, instead of receiving compassion, sympathy or admiring respect for my courage, I was to experience this pain with guilt, the sin of my wrongdoing laid heavily upon me as punishment for simply being a woman, a daughter of Eve.  To make matters worse, I was also supposed to accept the idea that men, as symbolized by Adam, in order to prevent any further foolishness on my part, were presented with the right to control me - to rule over me.  According to the omnipotent male deity, whose righteousness and wisdom I was expected to admire and respect with a reverent awe, men were far wiser than women.  Thus my penitent, submissive position as a female was firmly established by page three of the nearly one thousand pages of the Judeo-Christian Bible."

"The lessons learned in the Garden of Eden", she says, "were impressed upon us over and over again. Man was created first.  Woman was made for man.  Only man was made in God's image.  According to the Bible, and those who accepted it as the divine word, the male god favored men and had indeed designed them as naturally superior.  Even now I cannot help wondering how many times those passages from the New Testament were read from the authoritative position of a Sunday pulpit or from the family Bible that had been pulled down from the shelf by father or husband - and a pious woman listened to:  

Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.  But I suffer not a woman to teach or to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.  For Adam was first formed and then Eve, and Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression....(I Timothy 2:11-14)  

For the man is not of the woman, but the woman of the man.  Let the women keep silence in the churches, for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, so saith the law. And if they learn anything, let them ask their husbands at home; for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.  (I Corinthians 11:3, 7, 9)"

Stone then goes on to point out in her book that, "Ashtoreth, the despised 'pagan' deity of the Old Testament was (despite the efforts of biblical scribes to disguise her identity by repeatedly using the masculine gender) actually Astarte - the Great Goddess, as She was known in Canaan, the Near Eastern Queen of Heaven.  Those heathen idol worshipers of the Bible had been praying to a woman god - elsewhere knows as Innin, Inanna, Nana, Nut, Anat, Anahita, Istar, Isis, Au Set, Ishara, Asherah, Ashtart, Attoret, Attar and Hathor...."

The moon is very important astrologically.  Because it reflects the light of the sun, it and the sun are known as the two "luminaries".  The sun in our natal chart is our core self, our "light".  The moon represents our emotional reactions, and therefore our childhood experiences and even past life experiences stored in our subconscious that create the style of our emotional behavior.  

The moon in transit serves as an amplifier of whatever energy it is in contact with.  So it will transmit to us the energy of the sign it is moving through in combination with whatever planets it aspects.  When the transiting moon makes aspects to other planets (connects with them at specific angles:   conjunction at zero degrees, sextile at sixty degrees, square at ninety degrees, trine at one hundred and twenty degrees and opposition at one hundred eighty degrees), it signifies events in our lives.  Aspects to real time planets are global influences everyone will feel.  Aspects to planets of our own natal chart (where the planets were at our specific time of birth) will be more personal.  But the moon is a fast mover and generally it will indicate how we feel and our mood toward things.  

When the moon, as it is traveling through a sign of the zodiac, has made it's final planetary aspect during its stay in that particular sign, it is said to be "void-of-course" until it enters the next zodiac sign.  For example, the moon has been traveling through Capricorn for the last little while and has completed all the aspects to planets it will make while in Capricorn, so until it enters Aquarius at 3:28 p.m. this afternoon, it is "void-of-course".  (The moon is void-of-course approximately every two and a half days.)

The energy shifts of this weekend are most definitely worthy of an update!

Jupiter into Libra
On Friday September 9th, at 5:18 a.m., Jupiter will enter Libra.  Jupiter spends a year in each sign, and so this benefic planet of luck and expansion hasn't graced the sign of peace, beauty, love, harmony and cooperation in twelve years.  And Venus, the lovely ruler of Libra, has been there waiting for Jupiter to arrive since the end of August and will remain in her own sign until September 23rd.  Good vibes indeed.

Halfway Point Between Eclipses
Also on Friday we have the first quarter moon, which means we have reached the halfway point between the new moon eclipse of September 1st and the full moon eclipse of September 16th.  The first quarter is a "waxing square" between the sun and moon and has also been called a "crisis in action".  The eclipses are big change energy and the two weeks in between are especially powerful, so this aspect is also powerful.  It's a good time to reflect back on any intentions you set with the new moon eclipse and see if you are being shown any ways in which you need to "correct course" to realize them.

Final Square Between Saturn and Neptune
On Saturday September 10th, at 7:04 a.m., we will experience the third and final exact square between Saturn in Sagittarius and Neptune in Pisces.  The first was near the end of November 2015 and the second was mid-June 2016. (If you want more information on the Saturn-Neptune square, see my article Pimping the Saturn-Neptune Square from last November.)

A square is a ninety degree angle, and therefore an intersection of energies, which create some kind of growth in our lives.  A square forces growth or change - it requires effort on our part to overcome whatever obstacle is presented and to bring conflicting energies together to work for us.  One could say square aspects "form character".  Too many easy aspects in a chart and we take our gifts for granted and maybe don't put them to use.  

Saturn in Sagittarius could simply be described as "freedom through discipline" or "walking your talk".  Saturn is discipline and responsibility, structure and boundaries, authority and restrictions.  Sagittarius is a freedom loving energy that is all about the truth, with broad horizons and a love of philosophy and religion and higher education.  Sagittarius has high ideals and talks a big game but might tend to run off "half-cocked" and Saturn just won't allow this.

Neptune in Pisces is a strong force of visions, idealism, spirituality and dreams, but without a lot of foundation.  It can also turn into escapism and not being able to clearly see reality.  

Interpreting the energies this way, we can see how they are at odds with each other, but how with effort, this could be literally making our dreams reality. The dance between these two has been going on since last November, so you may see where you are being shown to "make it real" in your life.  The final event in this series is Saturday.  Saturn always calls for us to take responsibility.  If you are feeling limited or delayed in something you are trying to achieve, try to view Saturn's influence as the guidance that is showing you how to build your foundations right so that your work will last and isn't just a pipe dream or house of cards.  Try and really get what it's telling you and use that information to really create something of value that will last.  Remember Aristotle's words, "Through discipline comes freedom."