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Let Me Just Straighten My Crown....

9/20/2016

 

Silencing the Treasonous Inner Critic
and
Taking Back Your Throne

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I know my inner critic is an evil, sadistic, abusive, compassionless, power-hungry traitor.  I know she is sneaky, conniving and deceitful, masquerading her abuse as logic and practicality, attempting to present as a mechanism that keeps me safe - a voice of reason that knows what is best for me.  

I know she is an imposter.  I know my heart would never ever say anything that would feel abusive, cause me to limit or doubt myself, or create fear or disharmony.  But this disloyal advisor to the Queen, this inner critic, will still jump at every opportunity to assert herself and steal my throne, which is the rightful place of my inner goddess, my soul, and my heart, so I must always remain vigilant, keeping her honest and in service to the Queen, the Divine Goddess within.

And so once again, the  traitor was caught in the act.  I wasn't feeling so great, but I couldn't put my finger on it.  It was a beautiful day - truly an amazing gift. But I felt down and lacking in energy.  Kind of lonely, kind of sad, kind of... just not sure. So I decided to make a mental list of things I was grateful for - a known mood-booster. And I felt worse!  How could I feel worse as a result of a gratitude exercise?  And then I noticed that other voice in my head.  When thought, "I am grateful for this beautiful day," the other voice countered with, "You're wasting it inside". When I thought, "I am grateful for living in such a beautiful, amazing place," the voice said, "You aren't out experiencing it".  When I thought I was grateful for other things in my life, the voice said I was wasting opportunities.  It told me I wasn't efficient enough, I wasn't proactive enough, I wasn't making the most of what I had, I wasn't making the most of opportunities....  It told me I wasn't doing anything right and that I was wasting every single good thing in my life.  It told me I was wrong.  I was not good enough and not worthy and not important and had nothing of value to contribute.  

And I was horrified, not only at what I was hearing, but that this was coming from inside of me and this was a part of me, and that it had been going on for some time without me being consciously aware of it.  My inner critic was again playing at her game of being the trusted advisor, who after having gained the confidence of the Crown, exploits the trust and leverages fear to gain power.

But now she was being exposed once again for the traitor she truly IS.  

She was feeding off of that core wound of not important/not valuable/inherently "wrong" and the primal fear of abandonment that accompanies it.  By paying attention to her remarks, I could literally pick out the limiting beliefs from which these weapons were being forged.  Now she was working for me, although she didn't know she had been found out.  With every poisonous word she was leading me right back to her hidden nest of treasonous conspiracy that would have me unseated from my throne.

If she hadn't been so brazen, if I hadn't had been suspicious enough to look more closely and have her followed by the Crown's loyal guard, she would have succeeded in overthrowing my queendom through her lies and deceit. She would have succeeded in stealing away my power, and my freedom, and locking me away in a tower of false beliefs and fear.

If she had not been discovered, I would have continued to perceive myself as a victim to the outside world, to those who would attempt to take my queendom for themselves, and never realize it was an inside job - that the real threat, the only threat - came from the Crown's most trusted inner circle. There's no other way someone on the outside could have access to the weak spots, the chinks in the armor, to make such an effective campaign.  

The throne always comes with the need to guard the Crown and maintain the queendom.  It calls for awareness of what lies within the walls of the castle, hidden in the shadows.  Those threats to your power keep you vigilant.  They keep you sharp.  They keep you lean. They force you into maintaining your strength and power and occupying your throne.

Let me just straighten my crown....

Here's How Limiting Beliefs Keep Us From Occupying Our Throne:

Our core inner wounds will always have developed some scar tissue around them - those beliefs we took on because we thought they would keep us safe from more suffering, from the deep pain of abandonment.  But the minute we believe that what we need to keep us from that suffering is something outside of us, then we abandon ourselves.  This not only sets us up for a wound that will never heal, but it creates disconnection, which perpetuates the wound and the feeling of abandonment.  

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Post Eclipse Apocalypse

9/18/2016

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My mind keeps turning "post-eclipse" into "post-apocalypse".  And for good reason it seems.

Apocalypse comes from an ancient Greek word that actually translates as a discovery or disclosure of knowledge.  An illumination even.  

Eclipses are known for their power to bring lasting change to our lives, precisely because of their inherent function of illuminating - bringing awareness to that which we were previously unaware.  

If our consciousness creates our reality, then new awareness creates a new reality, and we have experienced an "apocalypse".  We cannot go backwards in consciousness.  One cannot un-realize what has been realized.  Once you've bitten into that apple, there's no going back.  

But rather than this being our damnation, it is our salvation.  Once we become conscious that we possess the amazing capability to create our experience in the world, we acknowledge our responsibility and step fully into our power. We take our place as this link, this bridge, that brings the vision of our higher selves/source and manifests it in the material world.  We create.  We create what we are guided to create.  We do not simply fill a space and survive.  We follow the guidance of our hearts, the direction of our desires (not our fears) and we create what we our passion calls us to create.

But first we must experience the realization (or more likely a series of realizations over time) that makes us aware of the illusions that keep us trapped by our fears, living from the place of those deep primal wounds.  

This full moon eclipse with Chiron was an opportunity to get a peek at whatever those wounds might be for you. 

In real life, this presents as the aha moment when you realize some defensive or compulsive behavior you engage in is, rather than being "just the way you are", actually linked to some traumatic event early in life.  Maybe you always need to know the whereabouts of your significant other and you've felt it is just common courtesy and part of being in a relationship, but now you realize it links back to the fear you felt that time you got lost in the grocery store when you were four years old.

The formula goes like this:  initial trauma/abandonment wound = accepting an idea about yourself/the world because of that experience = living from the place of the wounding in fear and therefore recreating the experience in your life.  The idea was accepted as a "rule to live by" in your attempt to keep yourself safe and from experiencing that pain again.  However, by holding on to that belief and fear in an effort to avoid it, you give it so much energy and power that you continue to attract it.  Hence, "the wound that will never heal".

So now we are working with the waning cycle of the moon, integrating and assimilating whatever information we just received about ourselves and our lives.  


The Upcoming Astrology

As the moon wanes, we are in a cycle of release.  On the deepest level, this is about releasing whatever ideas and beliefs you've been holding within that are no longer relevant in your life.  This then will translate out into the more mundane and superficial levels of your life like a pebble dropped into water creates ripples.  Mercury retrograde along with the sun in Virgo is keeping the focus on our inner processing, helping us to sort the information we are receiving for the next few days.  On September 22nd, Mercury will station direct, meaning this processing and emphasis on thinking and communication will intensify, and then as he moves direct, things of this nature naturally free up and begin to move forward as well.  

The sun shifts into Libra on the 23rd, shifting our focus to Libra's concerns of relationship, harmony, cooperation, and balance.  Venus is just finishing her transit of her own sign of Libra and shifting into Scorpio on the 24th, but Jupiter is just get started on a year-long transit of Libra, and Mercury is preparing to enter Libra on October 8th.  

As we release with the waning moon, we will reach the "waning square", also known as a "crisis of consciousness" on Friday September 23rd when the moon in Cancer squares the sun in Libra in the wee hours of the morning.  This is the halfway point between the full moon and the new moon and pits the sun in harmony-loving air sign Libra against an emotional Cancer moon.  The moon rules our triggers - those intense emotional reactions we experience when one of our wounds gets poked and our fears come up.  Libra wants partnership and cooperation, balance and harmony, above all.  So at this juncture, the realization of the full moon eclipse may really get driven home.  We may get more reasons to release those beliefs and behavior patterns that are no longer serving us.

Venus is about attraction, not domination.  She asks us to align ourselves with our desires.


On September 26th, Pluto finally turns direct in Capricorn, and then on the 27th Mars moves out of Sagittarius and into Capricorn.  This should feel stabilizing and like we are now picking up speed.  

The 27th through the 30th will be the dark moon, and the most potent time for turning inward and really assessing what is to be released in order to create what you truly desire.  

The new moon in Libra will be on September 30th at 6:11 p.m.  With Jupiter in Libra for the next year, this is a beautiful new moon during which to place intentions in the area of love, relationship, harmony, partnership, balance and cooperation. How can you be more interdependent, relating to others in a healthy balanced way instead of swaying towards too much independence, dependence or codependence?  Remember that Libra is ruled by Venus, and Venus rules attraction.  The law of attraction says like attracts like.  Venus asks you to align with that which you desire.  Venus' ultimate message is that the foundation upon which everything else is based in our lives is our self-love.  

The magic elixir that heals that wound is self-love.  The only protection and security we need is self-love.  The path away from abandonment is self-love. Yet without the "apocalypse" - that discovery - we cannot access what allows us to transcend our wounds.  I say "the apocalypse" is better thought of as a turning point in our personal journey of consciousness where we have a major illumination that allows us to finally access our self-love and come back to ourselves - to stop abandoning ourselves and placing our power outside of ourselves - so that we may realize a different reality based in love rather than fear.  I say "the apocalypse" is our personal salvation, and we are each our own savior.  

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A New Beginning...

9/16/2016

 
The tarot card that came up today was "Judgment", which is perfect with today's full moon eclipse, as it speaks of enlightenment that spurs us to decisions that herald a fresh new beginning.

The idea many of us carry about this word, the connotation of it that has been handed down to us, is negative. But it's meaning (at least in the Tarot) actually centers around a positive shift in consciousness, bringing about "great change, restored relationship, and family or group happiness".  Judgment is card XX of the Major Arcana, which begins with card 0, the Fool (possibility) and ends with card XXI, the World (completion), and describes the "Fool's Journey" of enlightenment. 
"Notice the joy and wonder in the six people rising from what appear to be open coffins.  No one is being judged. No one is being sent anywhere.  Instead we see a great rising up, symbolic of change in consciousness, one that may have been building for a long time but seems to happen all of a sudden....  Waite makes clear that the horn does not signify an apocolyptic end of the world but a spiritual transformation." ~Rachel Pollack, The New Tarot Handbook
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Judgment, Card XX, from the Rider-Waite Tarot
Divinatory Meanings:
A fresh start. Renewal, especially of a relationship, whether romantic or family, that had seemed dead.  Outer realization of a great change that has already happened internally.  Family or group celebration

In the book, Numerology and the Divine Triangle, the authors suggest even more ancient wisdom behind the meaning of this card. ​
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"The key symbols for this card are tooth, fang and serpent....  Wisdom, which is kept silent, destroys the forms of the outer world and reveals the hidden nature of things so that you may absorb the spiritual essence....  The cobra was the sacred symbol of Egypt and India.  Its venom attacks every cell of the body instantly.  The serpent's fang conveys the poison.  The analogy is that wisdom can be like acid which instantly eats away everything false. Therefore, the key word for this card is realization.  Astrologically it is ruled by Vulcan.  When we have gained realization of spiritual things, our personal consciousness is ready to blend with a mental grasp of the real world, where our attitude is the reverse of most people's because we identify ourselves with the One Reality.  Our subconscious minds are dominated by true will.  Our judgment day is the day we have reached our ability to judge the true from the false.  The card represents the call to judgment day.  The angel Gabriel calls those who are ready to hear the truth which shall set them free and give them new life.  Stone coffins, the human body, arise from the deep.  They are black when closed, from the lack of light, or truth.  The three states of consciousness arise:  man, consciousness; woman, subconsciousness; and child, superconsciousness.  In older versions of the Tarot, their arms spell the word lux or light.  They have come into illumination."

"In mythology, Vulcan was thrown from heaven.  He became the keeper of the flame, tending the forges of heaven and earth.  He was also known as the master craftsman.  Despite the lameness resulting from his fall, he traveled frequently between heaven and earth."

"The analogy in the myth represents the fall of our spirit into form, ruled by Saturn.  The spirit's freedom is hampered by the physical body.  The fiery force must be well tended by keeping open the line of communication between the body and spirit."

"Vulcan may eventually be assigned to Virgo, the perfect servant and tender of health, as was Vulcan."



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Judgment, Shadowscapes Tarot
Meaning:  Release and renewal, absolution, the freshness of a new dawn, a new start.  Making a judgment, though it might be harsh and difficult to face; the necessity of hard choices.  Face down those decisions, recognize the need, and forgive.  Reawakening, the mystery of birth and death.  The voice of destiny summons you onward. Hearing that undeniable call and being drawn to act upon it; knowing what must be done.
The description of Judgment in the Shadowscapes Tarot says this....

"Upon the arrival of Judgment Day, an angel sounds the horn to send out the Blast of Truth.  Let all the souls rise to that call then and lay their deeds out to be seen and judged by all.  Let the spirit be cleansed with burning light and fire, to be made pure.  

There comes a time for everyone when an accounting must be held.  It is time to evaluate the phase of life just past, to recognize and to appraise with an unbiased mind and honesty to oneself.  Every action has its result, for good or for ill, to be rewarded or to bear the need for absolution and forgiveness, cleansing and atonement.  And beyond that is the transition on to the next phase, a rebirth and a clean slate to begin again.

Red poppies are a symbol of sleep and death, sometimes an offering to the dead.  Like blood, their color stains the fields, brilliant and beautiful.  From that life-filled expanse of delicately swaying crimson and gold, butterflies take wing to bear the spirits onward in the metamorphosis of the soul.  The wide freedom and endless blue of the beyond awaits."

For those who are ready, a new reality is right there in front of you for the taking.  Or actually, it's within you waiting to be realized.  

But giving up ideas and beliefs that we don't even know we have, or that we don't realize are our choice to change, or that we perceive as keeping us safe, or that are deeply ingrained as part of our identity, or that we believe get our needs met, is a difficult process.  And so we continue to struggle with the same life issues, never seeing our way beyond them, until one day something happens, and we are born into a new perspective and way of being.

And then the expanse of "the wide freedom and endless blue" opens up right before our eyes and we open to the all of the possibilities of this fresh new beginning.

Healing, Selfless Service and the September Full  Moon Eclipse

9/15/2016

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The full moon eclipse coming up at 1:05 p.m. on Friday, September 16th, 2016 is at 24 degrees Pisces, on the Pisces/Virgo axis, and conjunct the planet Chiron.
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This eclipse is the culmination of several cycles, one of which being that we have just finished almost a year of Neptune in his own sign of Pisces being challenged by Saturn in Sagittarius.  Saturn, the teacher and taskmaster, in the sign of truth and honesty and philosophy, has repeatedly demanded Neptune put his money where his daydream is and get his head out of the clouds and down to earth. Get real.

Now we have the full moon eclipse in Neptune's sign of Pisces. The sun shines its light of consciousness from practical Virgo onto the moon and Chiron who will be sitting together in the waters of Pisces.  

The Virgo/Pisces axis can be described as "selfless service".  Pisces is a water sign associated with emotions and spirit.  Pisces is compassionate and wants to help the underdog and save everyone but can lose its boundaries.  Pisces is quick to give itself up for others but then might develop a martyr complex. Virgo is the earth sign opposite Pisces.  Virgo is about service, routine, organization, focus and tending to the details.  Ultimately, we would strive to balance these energies in our lives to achieve "selfless service".  


We ideally arrive at a place where being of service to others doesn't mean losing our boundaries of self or becoming a martyr.  When the plane is going down, we know we need to put on our oxygen mask before we can help others with theirs or we won't be of any good to anyone.  We don't hand our mask to someone else and then complain that we can't breathe. We don't lose ourselves in preoccupation with why we are having to put on the mask in the first place, wondering "why me?".

This eclipse will highlight this theme in our lives, and with the moon, our emotions and subconscious, being soothed in the healing waters of Pisces, as it is warmed by the sun in practical (or critical?) Virgo, its time to heal some wounds.

The presence of Chiron with the moon in Pisces emphasizes this theme.

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The Myth of Chiron

Chiron is known as "the wounded healer".  His placement in our natal chart in astrology points to the place of this wounding we each carry.  

This association is illustrated by his myth.  Kronos (Saturn) was pursuing the nymph Philyra.  She changed into a horse to outrun him and he changed into a horse and caught her.  Hence Chiron was born a centaur, half man and half horse (Sagittarius).  Although he was half animal, because of his father, he was immortal. Because of the circumstances, he was abandoned by his mother, and neither did he know his father.  

Chiron is adopted by Apollo who teaches him, and Chiron then becomes a teacher.  He teaches Hercules.  When Hercules returns from slaying the Hydra, the bottle of Dionysus' wine is opened for him and a fight erupts, and Chiron is accidentally shot in the leg by Hercules with an arrow that has the poisonous blood of Hydra on it.  The animal part of him now bears "the wound he cannot heal" yet he is immortal so must suffer endlessly.  He isolates himself in a cave to live out the rest of his days.

But Hercules finds him and tells him of Prometheus.  Prometheus had stolen fire from the gods to give man intelligence.  He was sentenced by Zeus to being chained to a rock while a vulture feasted on his liver.  Chiron agrees to sacrifice himself in Prometheus' place for humanity.  After nine days, Zeus decides to place Chiron in the heavens in the constellation of Sagittarius, and so through his sacrifice he is liberated from his suffering.

What does all of this have to do with this eclipse, or any of us for that matter?

Chiron's story is one of wounding and the process of becoming free of that initial wound.  

Not only was Chiron the product of a violent, abusive act, he was abandoned by both parents.  He was betrayed by the two people we expect in life to be able to trust.  If there is abandonment perceived by the psyche of a child, what type of beliefs then typically develop?  "I'm not wanted", "I'm not good enough", "I'm not enough", "I'm not lovable", "I'm not deserving", "I'm wrong"...and the list goes on.  These are the telltale slogans of the Chironic wounds we carry. 

Chiron was portrayed as part divine and part beast, portraying the the duality of ego and higher self that dwells in all of us.

He was redeemed by adoption, but then he was shot (accidentally) by Hercules, whom he trusted - another betrayal that then triggered the initial wound.

Now our healer is faced with a wound that not even he can heal. Because he never addressed the initial wound, the shadow now completely takes over and he isolates himself.  Because he still carries those negative beliefs he took on as a result of the initial wounding, he has abandoned himself. He is now at the mercy of his own shadows.  

Then Hercules shows up.  Chiron, in torment anyway, agrees to Hercules' proposition to take the place of Prometheus and help mankind.  But with this selfless sacrifice, he actually transcends and finds his freedom.

Selfless Service and the Wounded Healer

And now we see how the Pisces/Virgo theme of "selfless service" and Chiron's myth of "the wounded healer" are intertwined on this full moon eclipse.

Chiron's placement in our natal chart tells us the nature of that initial wounding we each carry and points the way to healing it.  (There are other clues as well.)  At some point in life we may become conscious of it on our own, because of life experiences, or through therapy or all of the above.  The Chiron/Saturn elements in a natal chart describe this type of initial core wounding that causes us to take on negative beliefs about self and then create those circumstances time and time again until we can step out of the role of victim and into the role of creator and change the belief and break the pattern.  

Saturn challenges us to take back our power.  Chiron shows us that once we have done this, we can help others who have similar wounds and be of service to humanity.
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The Diver

9/15/2016

 
A short story based on the astrology of a moon-Pluto opposition with Saturn conjunct Venus in the first house. A metaphorical tale describing the journey within to reclaim self-value, self-expression and personal power.

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She courageously charged into the depths, her small body straight as an arrow; her attention fixed on the destination below.  With determination, she dove deeper and deeper. 

The light above her was dimming.  Her destination was much farther than it looked from above.  She held her breath and pushed downward, kicking hard against the urge to turn and go back toward the light.
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As the dark of the depths closed in around her, she felt the pressure squeezing hard on her body.  Her body had felt so strong and sturdy above, but now it seemed fragile and an inappropriate vessel for this task.  Undaunted, she pressed on.

She became aware of her complete isolation in the cold black and the tentacles of loneliness consuming her.  She could no longer sense any light coming from above her, and could just barely make out the glowing fissure still far below her.

The reality of her utter aloneness on this journey set in.  It was too far; too deep.  It had been a mistake to attempt this.  She knew she wouldn’t be able to continue without air for much longer, but she was too far down to make it back to the surface.

The somber realization that she would not be returning to her life on the surface left her with only one choice:  to keep going.  With fresh resolve she focused on her goal and kicked harder into the abyss.

Although this journey was hers and hers alone, to her surprise, there was help and support near, just invisible to her eyes in the inky cloak.

A seahorse twice as big as she suddenly appeared out of the black, a rainbow of glowing colors.  It towed with it a giant iridescent air bubble.  She eagerly breathed in the air, and found herself able to think more clearly and with renewed determination.  Her life force restored, and the glowing red light of her destination within clear view, she pressed on through the dark with a renewed sense of hope.

The end was in sight. Her destination was SO close.  She was proud of the bravery and strength that had brought her this far.

There it was; the source of her Self, her life, her passions, her emotions and her expression.  It was literally her own fountain of life, but all she could make out was a little crack of red glowing light.  Something was wrong.  Why wasn’t it flowing? 

She swam closer and caught sight of the problem.  There was a huge black boulder lodged on her fountain!  It was immense.  She tried to push on it, but she was tiny in comparison.  She could not budge it.

Suddenly she felt the weight of all of the water above crushing down on her.  She was suffocating.  It was impossible. This is where it would all end.  She had failed all of her loved ones and most importantly she had failed herself.  It was hopeless.  She sank down onto the bottom, heavy with sorrow, her lungs emptied of air. She looked back up in the direction of the surface, but was unable to glimpse any remnant of light.  She sank lifelessly into the icy cold darkness....

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The air rushing into her lungs jolted her back into her body.  She was disoriented…had she blacked out?  Had she died?

She took another breath from the air bubble.  The air bubble!  Her eyes adjusted to the giant seahorse from earlier in her journey watching her closely as her body gently came back to life.

She was enchanted by the menagerie of magical creatures that she saw around her. What they were doing was of even more interest.

She noticed four colossal neon sea urchins, their massive spines held up like scepters, standing guard on the perimeter.

My fountain! She suddenly remembered why she was here.  She turned her gaze just in time to see two gargantuan sea turtles, with thick weathered hides and ancient symbols etched on their shells, heave the boulder from the fountain.  Their ancient wisdom and timelessness was apparent.  Their eyes glowed an soft blue light, and the markings on their shells glowed the same eerie blue against their darker shells.

As she was taking this in, there was a rumble from under the fountain.  Her eyes widened with fear.  She wondered what she had unleashed with this journey.  Maybe she had made a mistake.

The rumble came again, this time louder and more intense.  Suddenly a column of pure golden sparkling light shot straight out of her fountain, reaching up as far as she could see.  The water around her sparkled and glistened with the golden light. 

A strange feeling came over her.  Her body felt warm, even in the cold depths.  She felt a soft buzzing deep inside her belly.  She stared in wonder at how beautiful her light was.  It was amazing!  This light, Her Light, had been blocked, held down, hidden, all of this time.  What amazing treasures had been hidden away down here in the depths!

In her awe she had not noticed that the sea urchins and turtles had disappeared.  Remembering the long journey down, she panicked.  All of this for nothing!  They saved me and they left me!  I have finally found myself and found my freedom and I have been left here to die!

The light did not matter anymore.  Nothing mattered.  She frantically looked around the sparkling waters, lit by the golden column of light shooting up from her fountain, and saw the tiniest seahorse hovering a short distance away.  She swam closer.  It was indeed the very same seahorse who just a short time before had dwarfed her.

The seahorse was positioned by the column of light and did not move.  She looked around, uncertainty engulfing her.  Reluctantly she swam over to the column. 

There was only one thing to do. She summoned her courage, and with one big kick, thrust herself into the golden column.  She was shocked to find the surface right above her!  It had been right there the whole time.  Her fears and doubts had cloaked everything in an illusion of darkness and strife and struggle. 

Her reality now was illuminated by the golden light of her true self.  The sparkling light pushed out all of the shadows and illusions and only allowed what was her authentic self to remain.

She caught an iridescent shimmer on her skin and silently gave thanks to the seahorse, turtles and sea urchins – she realized now they had only been parts of herself that came forth to help her on this journey to freedom. 

And then a tiny, knowing smile crept across her lips.  She now knew that the magic wasn’t the amazing creatures she had encountered, but she herself.  Those creatures were part of her, but she now saw that SHE was the Magical Creature, who had just completed a magical journey to remove any obstacle that might keep her from shining her golden light.  She smiled, knowing she had set herself free and nothing would ever block her light again.
Published in the September/October of E.P.I.C. Magazine 

I'm Not Here to be Your Bitch

9/12/2016

 
If you give away your power, there will always be someone there to take it.
Over the past few years, I've been working on myself.  I've been diving deep and doing a lot of digging around in my deep psyche and subconscious.  And I've come to one conclusion:  I'm not here to be your bitch.

I have journeyed to my own personal underworld and come face to face with my most deeply held fears.  I have identified my own negative and limiting beliefs and faced the harsh truth of my lack of self-love and self-worth.  I reopened all of the old wounds and scrubbed them clean.  It hasn't been fun or easy.

It's been messy.  Really messy. 

My thing, formally, is astrology-specifically life and energy coaching through the tool of astrology. 

I see the "story" that I have carried echoed plainly in the symbols of my natal chart.  

Saturn, the ruler of Capricorn, the sign of my seventh house of intimate relationships expresses through, sits on top of my Venus, (both in my first house of self and identity, which is expressed through the energetic prism of Cancer, Capricorn's and Saturn's exact opposite energy).  Venus represents resources and relationships, but by way of our value of ourselves-our self-worth and self-love. 

That signature in my natal chart means "other," and specifically intimate partner, is sitting on top of my self-worth.   

In life, it meant that I had some serious lessons to learn around boundaries and staying in my power, and that meant one thing:  an epic battle with Saturn for my self-worth and inner authority - the battle to reclaim my throne.

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 The Astrology of Not Being Someone Else's Bitch

Here’s the scenario.  It's really about reclaiming one's power and inner authority.  

Saturn on Venus in Cancer and the first house shows that self-worth is debilitated, and this is likely from some kind of early experience of being limited or restricted by an authority (resulting in devaluation of self), and this means that expression of the self has then been masked, repressed, suppressed, restricted, or in some way altered, to fit in with this authority that caused the experience of the expression of the authentic self being “wrong”. 

With the self-worth debilitated and carrying the idea that there is something inherently wrong with self, one then puts the "authority" (Saturn) outside of oneself, making herself dependent on others for security.  In this case, Saturn’s sign Capricorn, representing this security, is ruling the seventh house of intimate relationships in the natal chart-the power is given away to the significant other in exchange for the lacking sense of security.  

Now consider all of this in the context of the law of attraction.  It goes like this:  if we are willing to give away our power, there will always be someone there to take it.  .  
We get on the right side of Saturn with maturity.  In the native's younger years, Saturn in this case can easily show up as Venus’ abuser.  The authority figure holds the self-worth hostage, but as long as the self-worth is debilitated and authority is seen as something that only exists outside of oneself, there’s no way out of the cycle.  This is Saturn as represented in the Devil card in the tarot, calling our attention to how we imprison ourselves (ultimately by the limiting/negative beliefs that we carry of which we are unconscious).

But now consider Saturn in its role of teacher and how it is represented in the World card in the tarot-this is how we experience Saturn with maturity.  The World is the card of completion, showing the reaping of the happy harvest. 
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The Devil, Shadowscapes Tarot, artwork by Stephanie Law
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The World, Shadowscapes Tarot, Art by Stephanie Law
If this Venus does her work, evolving in consciousness to a place of self-worth, having healed herself so that she now values and loves herself and is no longer betraying herself and compromising her integrity, then she has taken back her power and knows her value.  She is her own authority.  She knows now that if she is not continually claiming that place of power and authority and responsibility within herself, someone will take it.  She realizes that if she doesn’t occupy her throne, there are all kinds of people who will be more than happy to walk in and set up their own rulership.  Equally importantly, she knows that when she does not occupy her throne those are exactly the types of people she will attract.   

She is not here to be anyone's bitch and never was.  

But she had to learn the lesson in the depth and detail that she did, because she has important work to do around self-worth and becoming her own authority.  Like the great Sumerian Inanna, she had to descend to her depths to be reborn whole unto herself and reclaim her throne as the unshakable sovereign ruler of her realm.

That's the only reason Lord of Karma (Saturn) would be there over Venus in the first house/Cancer causing forced growth and the need to fight for self-esteem and expression.

Examples of Archetypal Energies and Reclaiming Feminine Power and Expression

There is a deeper archetypal layer to this running throughout our myths, our religions, our cultures, and our collective consciousness.

The study of astrology leads to the study of mythology.  What we might understand as Venus or Aphrodite today is quite the watered down version from the not-to-be-fucked-with ancient goddess energies.  

As the Sumerian myth "Inanna's Descent" teaches us, (and this describes the astrological cycle of Venus' retrograde, as Inanna was Venus' predecessor), we cannot fully claim our power unless we've confronted the shadow self. We don't stand in our power if we keep trying to disown the darker or maybe not-so-socially-acceptable parts of ourselves.  That betrays our truth and compromises our power.

And Inanna certainly wasn't going to be someone's bitch.  She journeyed to the underworld to confront her sister who was queen of the underworld (her shadow self) and in her compromised state was attacked by her sister and hung on meat hooks and left for dead.  Her hand maiden (higher self) saved her.  But the underworld had rules and before she would be allowed to leave she had to choose someone to take her place.  Upon finding out that her consort had taken over her thrown and was not one bit interested in her well-being, she chose him and sent him to the underworld, reclaiming her thrown and her sovereignty.  

If we work with the negative and limiting beliefs we carry, we find the wounds  where those beliefs were formed which also mark the chinks in our armor where others can trick us into giving away our power.  Our armor is always our self-esteem and self-love.  If we carry a negative belief about ourselves, like "too much" or "not worthy" or "not lovable", then there is a chink in that armor.  Now we are "not enough" as we innately are and therefore we look outside of ourselves for whatever that thing is we think we need.  Our shadow, unattended to, has turned a larger-than-life monster.  It has opened an access point that would allow someone else to invade our homeland and steal our throne.

Manipulation is part of human nature, because fear is part of human nature.  We try to control what we fear.  If we are fearful, we want power, which we think we will achieve by control, and fear is something we know so well, that we can innately try to gain that control over another by playing on their fear.  We've seen this principle at work time and time again.

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The Egyptian Myth of Sekhmet...

Take the myth of ancient Egyptian goddess Sekhmet, the fierce lion-headed goddess.  She is primarily known as The Destroyer, or even The Scarlet Lady, however, despite this reputation, she was widely worshiped in ancient Egypt as a compassionate, healing deity.  In the myth we know today, Ra calls on Sekhmet for her help because he had lost the respect and patronage of the people.  
Author Nicki Scully says, "As she prowled the land she saw needless human suffering. She saw how cosmic law was defiled. She loosed her wrath upon the people of Earth and the ground was littered with spent and bleeding bodies. With her newly ignited taste for human blood, the carnage knew no bounds, and Ra grieved as he looked upon the waste laid by Sekhmet."  

There are two important details here.  1) There's a warning about the consequences of rage going unchecked.  While anger and rage serve their purpose of our ability to assert ourselves and protect ourselves, they can be extremely destructive.  But, 2) this paints a picture of Ra calling on Sekhmet, a powerful goddess, to help him in his time of need.  She acts out of righteous rage, after being asked for her help.  Consider this powerful ancient feminine energy who holds within her both the compassionate healer archetype AND the powerful female warrior archetype.  And now consider the idea we frequently encounter that women are not supposed to express anger.  (And for that matter "big boys don't cry" and "children should be seen and not heard"....)

The next part of the story is that Ra resorts to "trickery" to end her rampage. He colors beer with mandrake root and pomegranate juice so it looks like blood and because she is so blood-thirsty, Sekhmet drinks it until intoxicated and turns into the more docile archetype of Hathor.  (So in her all-powerful divinity, she is also this gullible?) Scully goes on to say, "
This tale omits mention of Sekhmet's boundless compassion, her exceptional healing gifts, her power, and her freedom.  

"The premise that Sekhmet's rage can be tempered through intoxication and unconsciousness, or sleep, illustrates how the current worldwide paradigm needs changing. No longer can we afford to retreat into unconsciousness, or have our freedom tricked out of us. Our personal demons are part of ourselves, and they, too, are divine." ~Nicki Scully

Ra in fear of Sekhmet's power, tricks her (by intoxication) into being more docile so he can control her.  

Applying that to the idea of manipulating through fear, can you think of times in history where one group has held power over another group through this trickery of manipulating fear?  

​Do you see this dynamic in your personal history or of those around you?

If you choose to remain unconscious and don't face your fears and limiting beliefs and shore up the armor of self-esteem, then you will fall victim to this sort of "trickery" and end up giving away your power, which means you're giving away your freedom.  Do not betray yourself by looking outside of yourself for security, love or validation.

Sekhmet was not here to be anyone's bitch, yet she was still manipulated into submission.

What about Eve?

In the book, When God was a Woman, by Merlin Stone, she writes, "As a child, I was told that Eve had been made from Adam's rib, brought into being to be his companion and helpmate, to keep him from being lonely. As if this assignment of permanent second mate, never to be captain, was not oppressive enough to my future plans as a developing member of society, I next learned that Eve was considered to be foolishly gullible.  My elders explained that she had been easily tricked by the promises of the perfidious serpent.  She defied God and provoked Adam to do the same, thus ruining a good thing - the previously blissful life in the Garden of Eden.  Why Adam himself was never though to be equally as foolish was apparently never worth discussing.  But identifying with Eve, who was presented as the symbol of all women, the blame was in some mysterious way mine - and God, viewing the whole affair as my fault, chose to punish me by decreeing, "I will greatly multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children, yet your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you" (Gen. 3:16)."

She continues, "So even as a young girl I was taught that, because of Eve, when I grew up I was to bear my children in pain and suffering.  As if this was not a sufficient penalty, instead of receiving compassion, sympathy or admiring respect for my courage, I was to experience this pain with guilt, the sin of my wrongdoing laid heavily upon me as punishment for simply being a woman, a daughter of Eve.  To make matters worse, I was also supposed to accept the idea that men, as symbolized by Adam, in order to prevent any further foolishness on my part, were presented with the right to control me - to rule over me.  According to the omnipotent male deity, whose righteousness and wisdom I was expected to admire and respect with a reverent awe, men were far wiser than women.  Thus my penitent, submissive position as a female was firmly established by page three of the nearly one thousand pages of the Judeo-Christian Bible."

"The lessons learned in the Garden of Eden", she says, "were impressed upon us over and over again. Man was created first.  Woman was made for man.  Only man was made in God's image.  According to the Bible, and those who accepted it as the divine word, the male god favored men and had indeed designed them as naturally superior.  Even now I cannot help wondering how many times those passages from the New Testament were read from the authoritative position of a Sunday pulpit or from the family Bible that had been pulled down from the shelf by father or husband - and a pious woman listened to:  

Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.  But I suffer not a woman to teach or to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.  For Adam was first formed and then Eve, and Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression....(I Timothy 2:11-14)  

For the man is not of the woman, but the woman of the man.  Let the women keep silence in the churches, for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, so saith the law. And if they learn anything, let them ask their husbands at home; for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.  (I Corinthians 11:3, 7, 9)"


Stone then goes on to point out in her book that, "Ashtoreth, the despised 'pagan' deity of the Old Testament was (despite the efforts of biblical scribes to disguise her identity by repeatedly using the masculine gender) actually Astarte - the Great Goddess, as She was known in Canaan, the Near Eastern Queen of Heaven.  Those heathen idol worshipers of the Bible had been praying to a woman god - elsewhere knows as Innin, Inanna, Nana, Nut, Anat, Anahita, Istar, Isis, Au Set, Ishara, Asherah, Ashtart, Attoret, Attar and Hathor...."

Saturn in astrology is about responsibility.  When we are young, we are not mature enough to be in our own authority - it is something we step into with time and experience.  Then, with maturity, we come into a different relationship with Saturn i our natal chart - one of becoming our own authority.  This is the lesson Saturn teaches:  we each must take responsibility for ourselves, stepping into our own inner authority.  Saturn in our chart reminds us that "authority" will always be in our lives - the question is, will that energy be moving through us, or will we experience it as coming down on us from the outside, or through "other?' 

It is up to us as individuals to love and value ourselves to ensure there are no chinks in our armor and we are never tempted to believe that there is something outside of us that we must trade our integrity for.  

We must become our own inner authority, seated solidly upon the thrones of our hearts, sovereign rulers of our realms.  From this place at our center, we can then evaluate what beliefs we are aligned with and what beliefs do not ring true for us, based on our values.  From this place of self-worth and inner authority, we create the loving boundaries that protect all that we wish to nurture and grow.

It is only from this place upon the thrones of our hearts, that we can say lovingly, in our full authority, "I am NOT here to be your bitch."  However, the best part is, once we are in that place, we will never have need to say it.  We will simply live it, with every breath, every moment of every day, as naturally the sun rises every morning and the moon illuminates the night sky.

Pimping the Void-of-Course Moon

9/12/2016

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The moon is "void-of-course" today until 3:28 p.m.; it's a good time to follow through on matters begun before August 22nd.  
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After that it will be in Aquarius until 8:23 p.m. on Wednesday 9.14.16 - this is great energy for thinking outside the box, getting unstuck and entertaining new ideas, beliefs and ways of being, especially with the full moon eclipse coming up on Friday.

The moon is very important astrologically.  Because it reflects the light of the sun, it and the sun are known as the two "luminaries".  The sun in our natal chart is our core self, our "light".  The moon represents our emotional reactions, and therefore our childhood experiences and even past life experiences stored in our subconscious that create the style of our emotional behavior.  

The moon in transit serves as an amplifier of whatever energy it is in contact with.  So it will transmit to us the energy of the sign it is moving through in combination with whatever planets it aspects.  When the transiting moon makes aspects to other planets (connects with them at specific angles:   conjunction at zero degrees, sextile at sixty degrees, square at ninety degrees, trine at one hundred and twenty degrees and opposition at one hundred eighty degrees), it signifies events in our lives.  Aspects to real time planets are global influences everyone will feel.  Aspects to planets of our own natal chart (where the planets were at our specific time of birth) will be more personal.  But the moon is a fast mover and generally it will indicate how we feel and our mood toward things.  

When the moon, as it is traveling through a sign of the zodiac, has made it's final planetary aspect during its stay in that particular sign, it is said to be "void-of-course" until it enters the next zodiac sign.  For example, the moon has been traveling through Capricorn for the last little while and has completed all the aspects to planets it will make while in Capricorn, so until it enters Aquarius at 3:28 p.m. this afternoon, it is "void-of-course".  (The moon is void-of-course approximately every two and a half days.)

Especially if you have heightened sensitivity to the moon's activity (such as Cancer ascendant, Cancer sun, Cancer moon, or other prominence of the moon in the natal chart), you may notice that you feel like you've lost access to your internal compass during the void-of-course moon, like you are a little hazy or spaced out.

Pimping the Void-of-Course Moon...
Just as it is natural to rest when it is dark and be active when the sun is shining, we can be aware of the moon's cycles and use them to our best advantage.  

When the moon is void-of-course, we may find ourselves feeling spacy or floaty and without direction.

The void-of-course moon is then best used for activities that don't require decision-making, focus, or a specific outcome.  Things like reading, relaxing, meditating or taking stock of past experiences, especially from an emotional or feeling perspective are great when the moon is void-of-course.  It's good to stick to routine/mundane activities.

Save beginning things and anything you are wanting a specific result from for a time when the moon is making a supporting aspect.  Remember the moon's aspects to other planets signify events.  The sign that the moon is transiting combined with the energy of the sign of the other planet, the influence of that planet, as well as the nature of the aspect the two are making, determine what aspects support what events.  For example, the best time for signing agreements is when the moon is in the waxing phase between new and full in Cancer, Scorpio, or Pisces and making a favorable aspect (conjunction, sextile, trine) to Mercury.  You would avoid days when the moon is making a stressful aspect (square or opposition) to Mars, Saturn, or Neptune.

So, there you have it!  Max this vibe this afternoon and consciously create your life by pimping this void-of-course moon and then bust a rut when she glides into humanitarian and nonconformist sign Aquarius.  

Note that on Wednesday 9.14.16 the moon will again be void-of-course from 9:31 a.m. until she enters Pisces at 8:23 p.m.  Pisces is where the moon will be for the full moon eclipse on Friday 9.16.16 at 1:05 p.m., and the eclipse (the sun/moon opposition) is the moon's final aspect in Pisces, so then the moon will again be void-of-course right after the eclipse is exact, until she enters Aries at 10:22 p.m. Friday night.  So expect to feel that hazy/fuzzy feeling all Friday afternoon after the big energy of the eclipse and then when the moon enters Aries it will feel like "all systems go"!  Friday afternoon will be a great time to just sit back and integrate the energies of the eclipse.


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Astrology Notes for the Weekend of September 10th, 2016

9/7/2016

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The energy shifts of this weekend are most definitely worthy of an update!

Jupiter into Libra
On Friday September 9th, at 5:18 a.m., Jupiter will enter Libra.  Jupiter spends a year in each sign, and so this benefic planet of luck and expansion hasn't graced the sign of peace, beauty, love, harmony and cooperation in twelve years.  And Venus, the lovely ruler of Libra, has been there waiting for Jupiter to arrive since the end of August and will remain in her own sign until September 23rd.  Good vibes indeed.

Halfway Point Between Eclipses
Also on Friday we have the first quarter moon, which means we have reached the halfway point between the new moon eclipse of September 1st and the full moon eclipse of September 16th.  The first quarter is a "waxing square" between the sun and moon and has also been called a "crisis in action".  The eclipses are big change energy and the two weeks in between are especially powerful, so this aspect is also powerful.  It's a good time to reflect back on any intentions you set with the new moon eclipse and see if you are being shown any ways in which you need to "correct course" to realize them.

Final Square Between Saturn and Neptune
On Saturday September 10th, at 7:04 a.m., we will experience the third and final exact square between Saturn in Sagittarius and Neptune in Pisces.  The first was near the end of November 2015 and the second was mid-June 2016. (If you want more information on the Saturn-Neptune square, see my article Pimping the Saturn-Neptune Square from last November.)

A square is a ninety degree angle, and therefore an intersection of energies, which create some kind of growth in our lives.  A square forces growth or change - it requires effort on our part to overcome whatever obstacle is presented and to bring conflicting energies together to work for us.  One could say square aspects "form character".  Too many easy aspects in a chart and we take our gifts for granted and maybe don't put them to use.  

Saturn in Sagittarius could simply be described as "freedom through discipline" or "walking your talk".  Saturn is discipline and responsibility, structure and boundaries, authority and restrictions.  Sagittarius is a freedom loving energy that is all about the truth, with broad horizons and a love of philosophy and religion and higher education.  Sagittarius has high ideals and talks a big game but might tend to run off "half-cocked" and Saturn just won't allow this.

Neptune in Pisces is a strong force of visions, idealism, spirituality and dreams, but without a lot of foundation.  It can also turn into escapism and not being able to clearly see reality.  

Interpreting the energies this way, we can see how they are at odds with each other, but how with effort, this could be literally making our dreams reality. The dance between these two has been going on since last November, so you may see where you are being shown to "make it real" in your life.  The final event in this series is Saturday.  Saturn always calls for us to take responsibility.  If you are feeling limited or delayed in something you are trying to achieve, try to view Saturn's influence as the guidance that is showing you how to build your foundations right so that your work will last and isn't just a pipe dream or house of cards.  Try and really get what it's telling you and use that information to really create something of value that will last.  Remember Aristotle's words, "Through discipline comes freedom."
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Keeping it Simple in September

9/3/2016

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Welcome to September!  It's been quite the ride in 2016 and September is bringing a culmination of many of these energies.  September, being the month of the fall solar and lunar eclipses, holds endings and beginnings within its mutable Virgo energy.  This month will also bring with it the final Saturn-Neptune square, Mars into Capricorn, Jupiter into Libra and Pluto direct.  All of this is happening with Mercury retrograde in Virgo in the background.

Mercury goes retrograde several times a year so IS a common occurrence but may be felt more intensely in Virgo.  It always puts a focus on our communications and asks us to slow down and review how we are communicating, and so beneath that, how we are thinking.  I have already been experiencing it personally.  Correspondence not arriving in the mail when it should have, check.  Broken internet connection, check.  Google Chrome tabs malfunctioning, check.  Getting locked out of my own online accounts, check.  Routine communications seeming to take several extra steps, more time, and infinitely more patience, checkity-check-CHECK.  But everything happens for a reason and Mercury retrograde is no exception.  We obviously need extra chances at checking ourselves in the thought and communication department each year.


Without getting into the meaning and complexities of all of the astrological events themselves, here are some tips for making the most of the energies of September in general. 
  1. Clean house, get organized and focus on the tasks at hand.  This is a perfect time to get those ducks in a row and clean up and clear out on multiple levels.  Be diligent.  Be responsible.  Do the budget, do the dishes, tie up loose ends, organize, pay bills.  This goes for the mundane as well as within yourself.  This is definitely NOT the time to bury your head in the sand.  What habits, patterns, reactions, and ways of being are ready to be released in your life? Do the work of "weeding the garden" and getting rid of what no longer serves so that everything is running as efficiently as possible.  Taking responsibility and tending to the routine and mundane details sets the foundation for bringing your goals and dreams into being.
  2. Be conscious and meticulous in your communications.  What are you saying, why are you saying it and what are you hoping to achieve by saying it?    What do you really want and how can you communicate best for a win-win?  What is your thought process behind how you communicate?  In some cases no response is the best option.  Are you able to just let it go? When I listen to a client speak, I am given powerful clues to how their belief system is affecting their life.  Pay attention to your own speech. For example, do you find yourself saying "I can't"?  There really is no can't.  There is "I won't", and there is a reason.  It could be as simple as you don't want to, or it's not as high of a priority as something else, or you don't know how to do it.  Take responsibility.  Watch for phrasing that indicates judgments and labels.  If you are critical of others you are more than likely also hammering yourself, which locks you into a negative pattern.
  3. Focus on where you want to go.  (This is always true but especially for the two weeks between the solar eclipse September 1st and the lunar eclipse September 16th.)  Pay extra attention to where your mental focus is and what feelings you are allowing and generating especially in the two weeks between the eclipses and try to keep them aligned with what you want to be experiencing.  Think of this like skiing down a mountain.  You will go where you are looking.  If you keep your vision focused on that tree you want to avoid, you will most likely ski right into it.  You have to focus your vision on the path you want to take!  Pay attention to where you are focusing especially in these two weeks.  Maybe you are being shown what you don't want in your life, as that will help you gain clarity in direction and give you extra motivation to make changes.  Don't get stuck in focusing on what you don't like or don't want.  If you notice yourself caught up in any thought patterns like "this always happens to me", stop it immediately and change your thinking to focus on what you want to create, and use present tense.  (Using future tense only keeps it in the future.)  Focus on putting your consciousness and thoughts where you WANT to be.

So to keep it simple for September, it's clearing out the old and wrapping up old cycles to make room for the new to take shape, with a focus on tending to the mundane details, being responsible, and being mindful of our thinking and communication, while we keep our vision fixed on our desired destination.

And whatever energies are affecting you are always affecting everyone else, to one degree or another, however consciously or unconsciously, and manifesting in different ways, so patience, kindness and understanding are always good to remember.





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    Kasey Ford, Ambassador for Consciously Creating Life
    As an ambassador for Consciously Creating Life, Kasey serves as an advocate of the magic that exists in this life and in each and every one of us.  She is a champion of the journey to access our own powerful magic by returning home to ourselves and reclaiming the thrones of our hearts as sovereign rulers of our realms, through practicing the Art of Consciously Creating Life.  
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