What is trust?  What does it mean to have trust?  What does it mean to distrust?  Why do we stop trusting?  Is betrayal the opposite of trust?  Where does fear enter into the equation?  

When the question of trusting others comes up in our lives, the question of trusting ourselves is brought up.  Most of the time when we stop trusting others, we have also stopped trusting ourselves, telling ourselves that we are responsible for allowing the "bad" situation into our lives. 

It is the same with trust as with self-love and self-worth.  If you do not trust yourself first, you cannot trust others and you cannot expect trust from others. If you do not love yourself first, you cannot extend love out to others and you cannot accept love from others.  If you do not value yourself, then how do you value others and how do you accept that you have value?  You simply cannot.  It all begins within you.  

Our "stories"  - the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, about others and about life - may be the most important factor in how we experience life. A "betrayal" of trust can be as simple as not being conscious enough, or able to communicate well enough, around expectations and perceptions and unspoken agreements.  But then, because of the pain we carry from these past hurts and betrayals, we decide that the world is this way or that way and people are this way or that way and relationships are this way or that way and we build walls up around ourselves with these decisions that close us off from the true experiences and connections we want.  (Our minds generalize as a protective mechanism - this is common, but not necessarily appropriate.  If we had one painful emotional experience in relationship, would that really mean to avoid all relationships?  If a black widow is poisonous, are all spiders deadly, or even harmful?  Of course not.  And, as human beings, our skills of situational discernment are oh-so-powerful.)

Our attachment to our past negative experiences, our stories around that, and our feeling righteous and justified in our resulting lack of trust is a form of resistance that keeps us locked in a prison of our own making.  

Letting go of our past hurts and having the courage to trust can free us. Trusting that things can be different - that things are different - is a huge part of how we create a new reality for ourselves, in every moment of every day.  Do you think you can withstand the unknown, the chaos of creation, that is necessary to reach your desires without trusting yourself, loving yourself, valuing yourself?  If you do, think again.  Those things - the trust, love and value of self - are THE core ingredients to creating the life of your dreams.

I was recently given a reminder from the Universe about the nature of personal growth.  I experienced a significant breakthrough, only to get knocked down the next day by old triggers and patterns.  I was so happy to finally see a little light and have a taste of the sweet freedom from the prison of the old consciousness I had been so diligently working on freeing myself from, and so then all the more devastated and discouraged to immediately experience being right back in that prison.  I lost hope.  I lost faith.  For about twenty-four hours actually.  

But then I remembered.  The nature of our personal evolution and growth is that it is an upward spiral.  Cycles are the fabric of life and spirals are a significant shape occurring naturally in this world.  The thing about a cycle is that there's a high point and a low point.  Just like seasons, just like the wheel of life.  This is a very natural concept.  The thing about spiraling upward is that with each loop, even though you ultimately go higher every time, you will experience a little loss of that height before then soaring even higher.  So you get a taste of the new and then are pulled back into old territory and then expand up even higher than before.  

When we experience a shift into a new, higher consciousness, it is almost like it calls in whatever old we are releasing for one last bout in the ring.  If it has to do with the kinds of relationships we attract, someone from our past might show up (and/or blow up), or we might have just one more of those experiences, like the Universe just has to show it to us one more time as we sweep past it riding our new current, so we can say "...and don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out!"

I had forgotten about this and instead of hovering lightly over that undercurrent of old, I allowed it to draw me in one last time and shake my faith in the progress I had made and my hope in what I know the future holds.  Only later, as the emotional storm I had allowed myself to be trundled in cleared, did I see it as the lovely sign post it was, confirming that I really had made a shift in my consciousness and was indeed spiraling upward.

So I am reminded to be gentle with myself and with others.  Like ocean waves that recede and each time push a little further up onto the shore, it might look and feel like we are losing ground in our battle for personal transformation and accessing our higher vibration when we are really still moving upward.  It's all part of the larger process that many times is hidden from our view.  But if we remember to ride on the wings of hope and faith, we will continue to spiral upward to places we never imagined possible.

How have the themes of anger, assertion and power been showing up in your life of late?

I hope that question strikes a chord for you.  It should.  We've been covering some bumpy territory, and although your first take may be that your friends and family have been replaced by a gang of low-blood sugar two year olds that have missed their nap, remember that those around us are mirrors, we all have shadows and we all have blind spots.  It's a definite possibility your dark side may have made an appearance as well.

​Mars has been teaching us powerful lessons, if we've been willing to pay attention.  

Mars has just moved forward after a retrograde in Scorpio.  There are a couple of things that make this particular cycle unique.  Mars is a fast mover and typically spends about one and a half months in each sign.  This year, however, he is in his own sign of Scorpio (making this even more powerful) for the better part of the year.  On top of that he is tracking the path Saturn, the teacher and planet of karma, took from late 2012 to late 2015 through Scorpio.  Whatever Saturn turned up, Mars is calling for action on.  

Mars is the warrior and the pioneer.  He is the energy that helps us create boundaries and stand up for ourselves and find the drive and courage to move forward.  He is our assertion and our motivation.  He is also our anger and violence.  Mars energy needs to be consciously managed and directed.  He is like a fire.  We can use a fire to do many things - provide warmth and light, use it to cook food...but a fire we turn our backs on and allow to burn out of control is extremely destructive.  If we ignore the hurts, the fears, and the resulting rage within us, we run the risk of allowing the Mars energy that is there to get our needs met and keep us safe to be misdirected and misused.  

Mars turned retrograde in April and although he turned direct at the end of June, he spent the last two weeks of June and first two weeks of July just sitting on the 23rd degree of Scorpio, which intensifies the energy, before moving on into the 24th degree on July 12th.  You may have had opportunity to really gain the full insight the Mars retrograde has to offer this week.

Have you noticed any patterns in others or yourself around the themes of assertion, power and anger?  Have you been able to see, even if it is just the tiniest glimpse, how our worst behavior comes from our deepest wounds and fears?  Have you noticed how our focus on our hurt and protecting ourselves can escalate a situation and how direct and honest communication based in a desire to share personal truth and be vulnerable and compassionate can diffuse and even  heal it?

Here a few questions to think about as Mars completes this transformative cycle and heads toward Sagittarius.  (He will be in the 29th degree (karmic degree) of Scorpio, where Saturn was in mid-September last year around August 1st and 2nd, so be aware of what's happening on those days.)

• What is your relationship to anger?
  
• Do you feel like it is OK to be angry, or that it is wrong and unacceptable?  
  
• Can you express your anger in a way that still is respectful to others?  Is your anger so powerful that it takes you over and you do or say things you regret later?  
  
• Do you repress your anger only for it to come out inappropriately?
  
• Do you find yourself blaming and saying hurtful things to others rather than truly expressing your feelings? 
  
• Do you have a story that goes along with your anger, like being unloved or unimportant?  
  
• Do you have a behavior pattern that goes along with your anger?  
  
• All of our emotions have a message for us.  What is your anger trying to tell you?  What could you do differently to alleviate the anger?
• How do you assert yourself, or not assert yourself?  (Assertion is being direct about your wants and needs while still being sensitive to others feelings, wants and needs.  It is not emotionalized, and it is not manipulative, and asserting yourself does not necessarily mean getting your way.)
• How do you go after what you want?  Do you honor your desires or deny  them?  Do you feel comfortable going directly after your desires?  Do you even give yourself permission to have desires and know what you want?
• What are you fighting and why?
• If you had a choice, how would you direct this powerful energy in your life?
• Can you see how anger can be a cover for fear and a method of protection?  
• If there is a pattern you have noticed in yourself that you want to change, what could you do differently to start acting in a more conscious way that better serves you and what you really desire in life?