With Mercury Now Direct in Aries, Let's Talk About Communication in Relationships

Mercury's recent retrograde in Aries, crossing paths with both the north node of soul growth/destiny and Chiron in Aries layered with the spring eclipses on the Aries-Libra axis of the zodiac has had us upleveling our sense of self and our relationships.

Old unhealthy patterns of being in relationships have been brought to our attention for release as we have been called to embody a stronger sense of self.  

Mercury is both our thinking and communication.  A retrograde in Aries isn't just about more bold and direct authentic self-expression, it's about renewed identity - upgraded self-perception.  Mercury moving back and forth over Chiron during this retrograde meant as part of this process we were healing old wounds to self that were keeping us doubting ourselves, shrinking, not speaking up, and playing small.

So here we are, fresh out of Mercury retrograde, integrating all the healing we've been doing over April, in the final waning moon release before the May 7th new moon and Mercury's third and final aspect to Chiron in Aries - "the resolution."

It's the perfect time to talk about communication in relationships - specifically how the energy beneath the words - your energy - is the key to getting the results you want - the love you want.

It's all energy.  As within, so without.  

Everything happening around you, to you - your entire life experience - what you get, what you don't get - is a perfect reflection of the energy within you.  

This universal truth can feel the most painful and frustrating in personal relationships. 

​Not only are the stakes higher, typically what we most acutely notice being reflected back to us is what needs healing within - it's the stuff which at some point we decided was "unacceptable" in us and so disowned and buried.  But it's still there, and it wants - it needs - to be healed.  It needs our loving attention, so it keeps showing up in others in our relationships, as our souls keep moving us towards the healing that will liberate us and our hearts.  Except we've denied it within ourselves, finding it too painful to acknowledge and accept, so we keep ourselves from healing while also projecting it out onto the world around us - especially projecting it onto our partners, and attracting partners who have the same unhealed inner wounds.  

Then we end up projecting these unhealed inner wounds onto each other in our close relationships, seeing it only in the other person, but not in ourselves, only prolonging our pain and suffering because we can't get away from it, and it's always a trigger.

Then we find ourselves in a position where we feel like maybe it's our communication; maybe we need to improve our communication skills so we can speak our truth more confidently, be more authentic, and get the understanding and love we want.  We decide that if we could communicate better, that they would finally understand and everything would be okay.

Maybe we study self-help books on communication and using "I feel" statements.  Maybe we see a therapist, or go to couples therapy.

But then it doesn't work.  And we are back at square one, feeling defeated, frustrated, stuck, disempowered, and maybe even not lovable, like something's wrong with us.​

There's nothing wrong.  It's just that in this case, we've gotten "the cart before the horse."  You haven't shifted your energy, and the energy has to come first.  The words have to have the right energy beneath them - aligned energy.

Better communication is always a plus.  We can always improve this and it's always a win-win.  The thing is, if we are saying the words but still coming from that place of inner security, with those inner wounds still unacknowledged, still projecting, the words are likely to fall flat.  Or maybe the work for a brief moment but then we find ourselves right back in the old dynamic.

Here's the thing:  if you're having relationship issues, and you're turning to a technique like "I feel" statements to improve communication, but you are still running insecure energy beneath those words, still very attached to creating a certain outcome, no matter what words you are saying, they are going to carry that energy, and it will have a manipulative feel, even if you are not consciously trying to manipulate. 

You might even be starting with "I feel" then unconsciously slipping that "you" in there somewhere later, likely because there is something within that still needs healing, maybe there's fear, or anger, or resentment that needs to be cleared.

It feels that way because you want the other person to respond in a certain way, you need them to respond in a certain way, so badly.  It skews the whole interaction, and then you are left wondering why nothing every works.

The answer is to address the energy, your energy first, and this can be done without involving anyone else at all.

The energy always comes first.

And when you truly make the inner shift, you can watch love change right before your eyes as people start responding to your new energy in the moment.

And that's the magic you've been looking for, right?

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