Reevaluating Relating: Mercury Retrograde in Libra

Mercury is half way through its retrograde cycle now, and made his inferior conjunction to the sun this morning.  This point in the cycle, where he is so close to the sun that he disappears from sight as he makes his mythological journey through the underworld, is the time where he symbolically enters the royal chamber (represented by the sun) and can ask for knowledge and insight.   The first part of the retrograde cycle leading to this moment,  was for reviewing, reexamining, and rethinking.  The nature of this retrograde cycle is Libra, so communication (represented by Mercury) has been up for review in partnerships (Libra).  (This could also mean rethinking a partnership altogether.)  Right on the heels of the recent eclipse showdown between Aries and Libra, with Venus still not fully finished with her journey to empowerment and before the fresh start of the new moon in the sign of partnerships (coming up on October 12th), this is a perfect opportunity to review and take stock of how you’re relating, especially by looking under the surface of your communications to the beliefs and feelings that drive them.  Libra says balance, harmony and cooperation, but there’s also strong energy right now supporting valuing the self and personal empowerment.  This speaks of being authentic, but being consciously aware of your shadows – in this case those wounds or stories or learned dysfunctional ways of communicating – so you can communicate and relate in a healthy way.   This is a good time to notice where your wounds might be speaking for you without your realizing it.
 
Think back to the last time you told someone you loved them.  Go back to that moment and be there, in that moment, and make the memory vivid.  Once in the moment, scan your body and take note of whatever was happening at that moment.  What were you feeling?  Take some time with it.  Pay attention to any sensations in the body – a clenched jaw, a pit in your stomach, a tightness in your chest, a buzzing or warm feeling – just go back as an objective observer and see what you notice.
 
When you said those three little words, what was happening?  What prompted you to say it?  Did you feel like you were so full of love for that other person in that moment that it spilled out into your vocal expression, or were the words coming from a hollow, empty place that you were hoping that other would fill for you?  Did you care if they acknowledged what you had shared?  Did you care if they responded?  Did you say it with expectation of a certain response?  Did you say it in an effort to elicit a certain response from your loved one?  Did you say it out of obligation? What was the feeling in your body when you said it, and can you identify what that feeling was?  What was their response and what was your feeling around that?  Were you full of love and sharing that love?  If their response fell short of an expectation you were holding, what did you feel then?  Did feelings of hurt or disappointment bubble up?  Or maybe it was anger, masking the hurt underneath?  If big emotions came bubbling up then you may have run up against an old unresolved wound.  This is called being “triggered” meaning something in the present has brought up an old emotional reaction from a past experience.
 
If you are communicating in order to elicit a certain reaction that you want from another, then you may be relying on others to fill your emotional needs.  You essentially are giving your power away to another and voluntarily becoming dependent on their emotional support.  The key here is the awareness that we are each responsible for our own emotions.  We always have a choice, and we are always responsible for our own emotional needs.  We learn bad habits of relating, we have wounds and stories that can blind us from seeing this truth while we are stuck in victim mode, but we are powerful creators. 
 
Energetically, Mercury’s retrograde  is a cue to slow down in our communications with significant ones in our lives so that we might reevaluate our patterns of relating.  We can use this time to bring conscious awareness to our habits in self-expression and communication. 

With every communication, every text, every phone call, every “I love you”, take the time to stop and think about your motives for what you are relating.  Are you reacting?  Are you saying it out of habit, mindlessly? Are you filling an obligation?  Do you truly feel what you are saying or are you just going through the motions because it’s the “right thing to say”?  Are you trying to elicit a certain response?  Do you have an attachment to a certain response or getting a response?  If you’re sharing how you are feeling, is it with pure intent to share yourself or clouded by other motives?  Is there a way you would like to choose to communicate that is different than your normal way?  Are you noticing any patterns you have you might want to release?
 
A great tool for understanding relating patterns is the Karpman Drama Triangle.  This breaks down how we can habitually relate to our partners from a victim stance, and how our communications sound when they are coming from that place.  It’s all about power, responsibility and vulnerability.  With the astrological influences of late focusing on taking responsibility and becoming more empowered, and Mercury’s journey now enabling us to shine a light on how we communicate and relate in one on one situations, this can be a powerful tool for developing awareness and moving towards consciously creating our life experiences.
 
The victim has three aspects – victim, persecutor and rescuer.  In a conversation, each person (both playing the victim role) will rotate between the three positions. 
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 Here’s an example of how this dialogue plays out:
 
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​In this scenario where everyone is playing the victim, no one is taking responsibility and the two people are trapped in this pattern.

The way out is to switch from the role of victim to the role of creator. This is the empowerment triangle.  The roles of the creator are survivor, challenger and coach.  So now there is personal responsibility and accountability but with this comes freedom to break out of the cycle, because the creator is acknowledging that he has choices and the power to create a different reality by making different choices.  This is a new way of relating, of being in the world, from the victim stance.
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This is expressing from a place of love rather than fear.

This is being responsible for your own emotions, so that you aren’t overly attached to certain responses.

This is the freedom and power to authentically express yourself and truly connect with those significant people in your life.  This is knowing what is true for you, but being so strong in that truth that you can allow others their truth as well.

The energies of late have asked us to confront some of the more uncomfortable and hidden parts of ourselves in order to value ourselves so that we may stand fully in our power.  Now standing more fully in our authenticity, Mercury retrograde has encouraged us to take a closer look at communications and relating.  Once we have gained awareness, we can choose what actions we can take in our daily lives to create a new way of being.  By doing this, we take yet another step in consciously creating the life that we desire.

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