From Lotus Flowers to Kintsukuroi

The idea of "kintsukuroi" has definitely made the enlightened society social media rounds.  It isn't anything new and isn't anything I've particularly been focused on of late, nor has it even crossed my laptop in a while.  (If you have not heard of this, it is a Japanese term meaning "to repair with gold", and is the practice of repairing broken pieces of pottery with gold highlighting the idea that the cracks do not take away from the beauty of the object, but rather they actually enhance its beauty and value.)

Obviously this applies as an apt analogy to the human spirit, and I indeed believe that we are more beautiful for the wear and tear of this life.

Along these same lines, I have a white lotus flower tattooed on my back.
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I drew it myself as a tribute to my beloved one hundred and fifty pound great Dane-mastiff mix dog.  He was slowly being eaten alive by bone cancer, and at that time in my life, I was in a marriage that was on the fast track to certain death.  I was responsible for deciding when the risk of my best friend breaking his fragile front leg and suffering untold amounts of pain outweighed the comfort of keeping him with me. I took this stewardship very seriously and was true to my responsibility, putting him down the same day I left my husband.  I chose white ink for the tattoo, which on my skin would resemble a scar.  At the nape of my neck, the white flower represents the scar that in reality lives in my heart.  The top petal of the lotus rests at the base of my cervical spine, pointing towards the heavens, the body of the stylized flower containing the symbolic spiral of life resting between the very tops of my shoulder blades and its leaves pointing down to the earth.  I chose the lotus because it represents rebirth and enlightenment – it grows from dirty waters and out of this ugliness comes something beautiful. 

I truly believe that our scars make us who we are.   I believe that our scars, emotional or physical, are proof that we’ve lived – really lived and really loved - and those experiences are what provide us with the compassion and understanding to help others along the way.

Much like the idea of kintsukuroi, my white tattoo says unapologetically that those scars of life we carry are beautiful.  It is proof that I have indeed risen to the challenges of living this life and not only survived my unique experiences but learned from them and shared the stories with others so that they might also benefit, and at the very least know that we all share the ups and downs of this life.  

Now I am on a mission to heal myself after life's last go-round of breaking.  This time I have been blessed with the opportunity to heal myself while I travel.  And a few weeks ago, during a massage in Chiang Rai, Thailand, I experienced a mental vision that has stuck with me.  During the massage, I saw a golden light emanating from deep within my being and radiating out to the surface of my skin, from my center, in all directions. And I saw specifically my head and face, and cracks and fissures on the surface that this golden light was rising up to and filling from within.  As the golden light hit the air at the surface of each crack, it solidified to gold.  Much like kintsukuroi, but rather than applying the gold on the outside as you would with pottery, my breaks were being filled with the healing light that was coming from the inside.  

And the imagery of that has not left me.  I carry it with me every day, as I take more tiny steps towards healing myself.  And every day I am amazed at the beauty of this image, of this idea, and I hold it in my mind's eye as a directive to my subconscious mind and an affirmation to my soul.